She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Randomize
