party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
