im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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