Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
