i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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