How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
