Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Randomize
