I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
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