I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
