:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
