You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
