remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
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