best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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