tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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