yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
