I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
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