I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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