Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize
