His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
