i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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