she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
