The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
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