Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
