So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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