i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
