I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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