jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
