Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
