We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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