You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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