You really coming over, don't trick.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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