how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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