PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
The ass gains better be worth it
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
