you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
