Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
