Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
