thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
