Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
