2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
