No, drunk sperm still make babies.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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