Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
