Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Randomize
