I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
