And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
