Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
