Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
