I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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