Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
