I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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