So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
