so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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