I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
